Monday, July 26, 2010

Past Regrets

I was looking over my notes in a prayer journal from over a  year ago.  Funny how God works.  At that time, I don't know why I was feeling the way I was, but I wrote a letter to God telling Him how I never received credit for the things I've done.  I have always stayed in the background, or so it seemed to me at the time.  I guess I've always felt that way.  Being the oldest child, I felt like an experiment I guess you could say.  Oldest children will understand that statement.  I don't mean I wasn't loved, I was.  Still, I took a back seat to my sisters many times.  I have been going through a grieving process of sorts lately any way.  Never did grieve my past mistakes and there are many.  For the most part, I put things on the "back burner" and don't think about them.

God has other plans.  Actually, I thought I was doing the right thing not thinking about my childhood and my teens and adulthood mistakes.  Now I believe that not to be true.  At least to the extent I managed to forget a lot of my childhood.  Unfortunately, when I think about it, I manage to remember the negative.

Well, I  don't  want to remember the negative.  That's one reason for this  blog.  Because blessings do abound in my life.  But not grieving has caused unnecessary pain and mistakes in my life.  I will discuss this more in a later submission.  Right now, suffice it to say, the "pendulum" seems to have swung the other way.  I have been getting credit for things I am doing right now.  However I realize it is God that has given me my talents and training. The grieving process, although painful, is necessary.  If I had faced these things in the past, it would not be so painful now, but God always wins out.  I would not have it any other way.

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