Friday, May 25, 2012

Comments About Last Entry

I really was depressed that day, but I did make it through everything I needed to do.  Got Mike to work, made the training.  I got my dates mixed up on the revival, so did not make it this year.  The open house at the gallery was fun.  I need to post some pics of my crafts.  My credit score went up by 21 points this month.  I wonder why.  It was pretty high already.  It has been a challenge to get the score to that level since someone used a credit card that was mine.  This is how they did it.  They took a credit card offer out of my mailbox, somehow got the new card and then charged quite a bit before I caught it.  Identity theft does not just affect one person.  It trickles down.  Because of this, I had to pay off things I never had in the first place.  If I had it to do again, I would press charges, since I knew who did it.  I learned a hard, hard lesson.  Anyway, my mom gave me my down payment on my new home.  At my age, I should not have to ask my parents for money.  But it is what it is.  My mom is a blessing and my whole family.  I have several great nieces and nephews.  I visited with some of them in SoCal when I was there a couple of months ago.  It was fun.  They are my sister's grandkids.  My other sister has a lot of grandkids and I have visited with only a few of them.  They grow so fast.  I miss my own grandchild and her three children.  I never had much of a chance to be a grandparent, but still hope to see them some day again.  They live 3,000 miles away, so not like I can just hop in the car and visit them.

Luke 11:13-If you then know you are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Depression

It is one of those days again.  I am depressed and I don't really know why.  Maybe because my life has become so overwhelming again.  It gets that way sometimes and I don't know where to start.  I'll start with prayer.  I have prayed, and I feel I am really being tested today.  Simply because the dogs won't quit barking, the garbage man left a notice about what was in my recycling and I guess they did not take it.  I don't know.  I haven't checked.  I'm suppose to be at the art gallery tomorrow night and I don't even want to do that even though I've looked forward to it for a long time.   For the last month anyway, because I missed the last one because I was at my mom's.   I have to take some appetizers too and that means going to the store or making something.  Tonight the revival starts and the leadership class also I think.  Depression ruins everything.  It's a chore to get going every morning.  I don't want to do anything.  The things I need to do to keep healthy, I don't feel like, because I am so physically tired.  Everything else suffers when depression sets in.  The one good thing is that I know "this too shall pass."  Before I did not feel that way, but now with the proper medication it will end eventually.  Before the meds, I was like this all the time.  It is a chore and a forced at that just to clean house.  My house needs a thorough cleaning, the yard needs to be weeded, I need repairs and all of this I have not much help with.  Everyone in my life has their own life and I'm not that important in the scheme of things.  I am important to God and I know that even though I don't feel that way just now.  Lord, help me get through the day.  Just little things like getting laundry soap, getting my prescription refilled, getting to leadership training, and the revival.  Getting Michael to and from work.  "Normal" people just do it.  I have to talk to myself, get ready just like everyone else.  But getting ready is a chore also.  I know people who have never suffered from depression don't understand.  They say just do it."  I won't be ready to get out of here until I take Mike to work.  Until then, help me Lord to do what needs to be done in the house.  I would like to just do my arts and crafts.  At least that keeps my mind occupied.  Think on the good things.  Lord all I can say is "help me."  I am your daughter and I know you love me.  Please help.

Phil. 4:8-Finally Brethern, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right,  whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence, and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Blessings From Yesterday

Another day to serve the Lord.  I am grateful for getting safely to my destinations yesterday.  I went to the pain clinic in Napa.  While there, the PA offered me a patch for cortisone to help the arthritis in my foot.  So I'm grateful that I did to have to have a shot in my ankle.  It hurts. I accomplished everything I wanted to including a Mystery Shop along the way.  I love it when things fall into place.  So, in one trip, I did that shop, went to Staples and got $26.00 worth of "stuff" for free and then kept my doctor's appointment.  I was early to the appointment and it took only 15 minutes, so I was out of there quickly.  I am grateful for all of that.  The day before that, I went to San Francisco with a friend.  She just wanted the company.  We did some important business and then went to Santa Rosa and looked at some discount places.  I got some bargains there, but can't think of what right now.  I remember.  Specialty Coffee and a tin for Michael, both of which were on the clearance shelf.  It is fun looking through the clearances and imagine what you can do with the things on the shelf.  My creative mind kicks in. "One man's trash is another man's treasure."  I am looking for wooden objects I can re-purpose and paint.  I'm just about out of my inventory.  Tonight is a meeting for the Art Gallery members.  The first I will attend and I am looking forward to meeting the other artists.  I'm grateful that I have a place to display my craft.  I need to get on with my day.

Prov. 16:3---Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed.

Monday, April 23, 2012

SoCal Trip and Gallery Opening

I had a good time with my family in Southern California.  The weather was nice, in fact, it was hot.  Everything went smoothly until the trip home.  I stopped at a truck stop to get a soda.  When I tried to start the car, it would not do anything.  I opened the hood and banged on the battery for a few seconds.  I did this twice.  Still the car would not start.  So, reluctantly, I called for roadside service.  Oh, did I mention, I was at a truck stop that is in the "middle of nowhere."  The guy arrived and hooked up the battery and the car still wouldn't start.  Then the repair guy asked me to get in the car and try.  It would not start.  Then he asked me, do you have the break on?  I thought to myself, "why would I put the brake on."  I did so anyway and it did not start.  Did I mention I could not get the key out of the ignition?  I thought maybe I could turn the key upside down and the car might start that way.  Anyway, after applying the brake,  I realized there was another brake on the console.  I looked down and the car was in "reverse."  Oh no, that poor guy drove all this way just because I forgot to set the brake on the console.  I am sure he had me sit in the car so I could see for myself what I had done.  But I have insurance and he got paid, and I got the car started.  I lost about one hour, but who knows why things happen?  The Lord is in control.  The best thing is that I did not "yell" at God and start asking questions.  I did cry, but that ended soon.  I took out my Kindle and read something in the bible.

While in SoCal, my sisters showed me pictures of their famillies, grandkids and kids.  The pictures were on their cameras and cell phones.  Guess what I have on my camera?  Dogs and pictures of my art.  Mom mentioned she did not have any recent pictures of my family.  I just don't take pictures any more.  Mainly because I don't know how to operate my camera very well and when I try to take a picture with my phone, I end up taking a picture of my face and not what I had intended.  It seems so simple just to turn the camera, I mean phone, around.  From one time to the next, I still forget which way is right.  It makes me laugh though and I really do have a knack of entertaining myself.

Now, to the gallery opening.  My friend and my son both flaked on me.  She forgot, and my son thought he did not need to be there because she would be there.  Two of the most dependable people in my life and look what happened.  I did however sell a bowl and a set of goblets.  So at next month's open house I might do well again and I will be able to be there.  This last open house was the grand opening. It is what it is.  I have to say that they weren't suppose to be there for some reason.  Maybe the Lord wanted to boost my confidence.  Who knows?  I am content with what the Lord has done.

Prov. 19:21-Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

I believe the Lord told me to post to this blog regularly, but I have not done so.  I don't know what to say.  It seems all I do is complain, or want to anyway.  I've put some of my artwork in a gallery in Clearlake.  It looks so insignificant compared to the other forms of art.  Some of the art in the shop has sold.  The simple things, like jewelry.  I don't mean the process is simple.  I mean little items, not big items like my furniture.  With my furniture, it is for sure one of a kind.  it makes me stop and look if I am charging too much for my things.  As you can probably tell, I have not yet sold anything.  I need to get my portfolio together.  I'm just writing what I am thinking.  And my thoughts are jumbled, but that is how my mind works I guess.  Disjointed and spontaneous.  I have been questioning some things that go on in my church.  I love it so and until the Lord says to leave, I'll stay there and minister there.  I do believe I am where the Lord wants me.  I wish I could talk to the pastor, but it isn't as easy as it used to be.  And I don't know how to approach these subjects.  I agree and I disagree.  Does that make sense?  Probably not, but it makes sense to me.  Without going into the real situations, I can't talk much about it here.  But the Lord is calling my attention to it for some reason.  Back to the gallery.  There is an open house this Friday.  My youngest son and one of my friends who is great at marketing are standing in for me.  I will be in Southern California visiting my mom.  My sisters will be there also and its so much fun when we all get together.  My dad passed away almost one year ago and this will be the first time I have seen my mom since then. I'm looking forward to a good time and a time of reflecting. I think I will write my introduction letter to my portfolio.  Even though it does not seem to be taking off now, I believe it will.  i love what I create and hopefully someone out there will feel the same.  Must get on with my day.  I also must obey the Lord.  It's good to post here even though I think no one reads it.  It is good for me to revisit some things in my life that may need work.  I can't do it alone.  It's all about God.

Isa. 6:4b:  Yet, O Lord, you are our Father.  We are the clay, you are the potter;  we are all the work of your hand.  (NIV)

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Bucket List

The movie, Bucket List, is about two men who make a list of what they want to do before they "kick the bucket."  I can't say I have one of those. It takes all my energy just to get through today.

I have someone to help me attain that goal.  Look up!  He will make your paths straight.  He will order your steps.  He will hear the prayers of a righteous man. He is faithful and righteous to forgive.  Ask and you will receive.

Do these words sound like words that may help you?  Do you look up and pray?  Do you feel His presence?  How do people who do not know Christ get through the day?

Luke 18:13-"But the tax collector stood at a distance.  He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'have mercy on me a sinner.'"
Luke 21:28-When theses things begin taking place, stand up and lift your heads, because your redemption draws near.
Prov. 3:6-In all your ways, acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.
                                                                              

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Disobedience and Boredom

Disobedience and boredom must be partners. I find myself being disobedient to the Lord when I am bored. Why does gambling sound so much better than doing a bible study? A bible study alone that is. I'm all for group home bible studies.

I find myself in another "chipped cup" situation. I gambled my tithe away. All because of boredom. I decided not to replace it and oh, oh, oh my, what a mess I am in. I've gone through most of my savings, which was not too much to begin with. The savings was for an emergency. So into bills and such I poured what little money I had put aside. If i had tithed, I would not be having this trouble. I've decided to try to make it up. Usually, it's just too hard, and it is hard this time, but I feel so convicted. I robbed God. Not a pretty picture. I am disappointed in myself and my weakness. God always gives us a way out. I simply did not take it when the urge to gamble arose. I just did what I wanted. I gave myself all kinds of excuses. But the fact remains, I lost the tithe to gambling and I did not even have a good time. I am still bored.

I have to move forward now. I'm going to replace what I lost out of the need to be obedient. Once before I did not pay my tithe. That time was because the bank mistakenly took out two car payments which resulted in all kinds of fees. Eventually, I got it straightened it out. The bank "as a courtesy" fixed their mistake.

God showed me how important he views the tithe. It's a bible principle and one he wants to bless us with.

I messed up. This time and I hope the last time, I will replace that money and make sure my church receives it from me as a cheerful giver. I don't know what God has in store for me, but I need to make it right because its the right thing to do.

2Cr. 9:7: Each man should give what he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

Mal. 3:10: Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this way, says the Lord Almighty, and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room for it.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Looking Ahead (Phil 3:13)

What do You want to change about my life? What do You want to accomplish through me? On what and on whom should I focus?”These are questions I have for the Lord.  These are questions I should ask Him every day, every second of every day if needed.  I've failed to do this consistently in the past.

That is what the past is however, the past.   In front of us is a  new year, a new day, a new and improved relationship with God.  That is my desire, to have a relationship with the Lord.  It gets difficult sometimes because I don't want to wait on the Lord. I want it now and I want it to be in my own way.  I want God to answer my prayers and I lay out a blueprint for Him.

Is that getting me anywhere?  No.  When I try it my own way, as I often do,  the Lord has to redo all the mess I have made for myself.  And then help me move forward.  I must move toward the goals he has set for me in his way and in his time.  Any other way is a waste of time and energy.  It often brings unnecessary heartache. 

Do I know this from experience?  Yes, I do.  For instance, I've been married five times. None of the five were meant to be.  In other words, none of them were in God's will for me.  Now it is too late.  I have tears in my eyes and an ache in my heart right now because of what I have done.  All I ever wanted was a happy marriage.  It may have been in God's will for one, but now it is too late.  The sadness comes not from being alone for most of my life, but  that I did not obey God.  My four children have suffered because of my mistakes.  The cruelty of watching them struggle is heartbreaking.  We not only hurt ourselves but many generations to come when we disobey the Lord.

Asking the questions,  "What do You want to change about my life"? "What do You want to accomplish through me"? "On what and on whom should I focus"? become more relevant in light of my lifetime of doing it my own way.

Phil. 3:13-14Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it,  But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining for what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."


















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