Thursday, May 17, 2012

Depression

It is one of those days again.  I am depressed and I don't really know why.  Maybe because my life has become so overwhelming again.  It gets that way sometimes and I don't know where to start.  I'll start with prayer.  I have prayed, and I feel I am really being tested today.  Simply because the dogs won't quit barking, the garbage man left a notice about what was in my recycling and I guess they did not take it.  I don't know.  I haven't checked.  I'm suppose to be at the art gallery tomorrow night and I don't even want to do that even though I've looked forward to it for a long time.   For the last month anyway, because I missed the last one because I was at my mom's.   I have to take some appetizers too and that means going to the store or making something.  Tonight the revival starts and the leadership class also I think.  Depression ruins everything.  It's a chore to get going every morning.  I don't want to do anything.  The things I need to do to keep healthy, I don't feel like, because I am so physically tired.  Everything else suffers when depression sets in.  The one good thing is that I know "this too shall pass."  Before I did not feel that way, but now with the proper medication it will end eventually.  Before the meds, I was like this all the time.  It is a chore and a forced at that just to clean house.  My house needs a thorough cleaning, the yard needs to be weeded, I need repairs and all of this I have not much help with.  Everyone in my life has their own life and I'm not that important in the scheme of things.  I am important to God and I know that even though I don't feel that way just now.  Lord, help me get through the day.  Just little things like getting laundry soap, getting my prescription refilled, getting to leadership training, and the revival.  Getting Michael to and from work.  "Normal" people just do it.  I have to talk to myself, get ready just like everyone else.  But getting ready is a chore also.  I know people who have never suffered from depression don't understand.  They say just do it."  I won't be ready to get out of here until I take Mike to work.  Until then, help me Lord to do what needs to be done in the house.  I would like to just do my arts and crafts.  At least that keeps my mind occupied.  Think on the good things.  Lord all I can say is "help me."  I am your daughter and I know you love me.  Please help.

Phil. 4:8-Finally Brethern, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right,  whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence, and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

1 comment:

  1. You are important to me Kathy and I love You. Hang in there.

    ReplyDelete

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